Thursday, February 10, 2005

Hello? Is Anyone Home?

It has been quite some time since I've done any blogging. Since Christmas I've done zilch. I've just been so busy and there really is alot to write, but I'm not going to do it in one sitting. This way I can write over a few weeks and have stuff to write about!!!

Tomorrow I'm going out of town with Cesar to Austin (not Houston like he has written!!) and I'm really looking forward to it. The past 2 weeks have been shit. I had the flu last week and this week has been very stressful at work. I'm beyond frustrated with my new job. I've even begun to wonder if I made the wrong decision about leaving The Voice.

I had no clue that radio was going to be so difficult and I got my first big order this week. I even got an RFP (Request For Proposal) from an agency in Denver and I was beyond nervous beacause they were asking for so much. I just kept thinking "Don't screw this one up." The thought about possibly making the wrong choice has been very strong. The last thing I neeed is to be let go.

Being the overly-analytical person that I am, I've been analyzing my thoughts really in depth. Was I anxious to leave The Voice because I needed to see what else was out there? Would it be possible to go back if I got fired from Clear Channel? What would I do if I got fired and wasn't able to go back to The Voice? What would I do then? You can see how frantic my mind is. Today at lunch even cemented my anxieties.

I went to lunch with Sandra, this Account Executive for KZPS. She started about a week after I did in December and we were in the same training classes that month. We were at lunch and she said that Miguel (one of her co-workers who also started in December and was in our training classes) was fired yesterday. I was completely shocked. She proceeded to express her worries about getting fired as well. We started talking and I realized that all of our worrying was exactly the same.....perhaps we just weren't cut out for radio sales. Not only did Miguel get fired, but Yalonda (another KZPS AE that started at the same time as us) was told that she had to either have $10,000 booked within the next 2 weeks or she was out. Sandra is now scared that the same will be told to her. We had a long discussion and it kinda felt good being able to express my frustrations with someone who knew how I felt.

So I keep asking myself....have I gotten in over my head? I wanted this so bad but now I don't know if it's what I want. I'm so used to making things happen and knowing what I'm doing that I now feel like I have absolutely no control. I hate feeling like this. Having some sort of control over the situation is vital to me and necessary for me to feel comforable. I also tell myself that I have only been there for 2 months and that I haven't been there long enough to make a logical decision on my progress.

Just how long should I give myself? Am I just being paranoid? I'm in bad need of a confidence booster in my abilities to succeed in this.

I wish I knew a good shrink!!


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